Pre-order'an

A scourge that has been spreading across the video game world lately is the heavy encouragement to pre-pay for games. Either at Gamestop, or on any of the digital distribution networks. They encourage this by offering bonus content to those who do pre-order, such as music soundtracks, posters, download content and much more.

This is a BAD thing.
The past couple months being the holidays, a lot of major releases have come out. Every company is putting their best effort into grabbing your money, and that's nothing uncommon. However, this year in particular it seems that every major video game release had a preorder bonus, and usually a significant one. It seems that unless you pre-order, you are going to be punished, and not be able to enjoy the full experience of the game you are purchasing.

This mostly applies to games where the bonus is something like an in-game level or item or something of the sort, rather than a t-shirt which in no way would add to the gameplay. Unless of course it's a game by Kojima, where he's going to add some secret codec number to the inside of your left sleeve that is absolutely necessary to finish the game.

At any rate though, a lot of games have this pre-order bonus bullshit, and it's killing me. I have absolutely NO MEANS to be able to stay on top of all the games I enjoy, and get all of their bonuses. That would involve me putting down hundreds of dollars a month to pay for a product that essentially doesn't exist yet.

The killer to all this though, is that if you pre-order from a place like gamestop, there's no guarantee that you'll even GET the bonus that you went through all the trouble of prepaying FOR.

I bought Bayonetta not too long ago with the promise that I would receive a poster featuring the cover art of the game. Unfortunately, when I picked up my copy on release day, not moments after the shipment arrived at the store, I was told they did not have the poster. A few days later I returned with high hopes, only to be rejected again.

I sent an e-mail to gamestop and the response I got caused much despair:

"We apologize that you did not receive the bonus item with your pre-order/reserve.

Please note that due to the advertised limited quantities of bonus offers, GameStop cannot guarantee the offer will be available at the time of purchase or reservation. Generally, bonus items/offers are limited in supply."

Are you FUCKIN' kidding me?

You're gonna sit here and tell me that you begged me for my goddamn money, I gave it to you, and you will not supply me with the service you promised?

This isn't like goddamn Black Friday. You don't stock shelves with the amount of product you THINK people will buy, and then apologize when demand exceeds your expectations.

THE WHOLE FUCKING POINT OF A PREORDER IS YOU KNOW EXACTLY HOW MANY COPIES YOU NEED AT YOUR GOD DAMN STORE.

Fucking god damn shit you guys. God damn shit.

I mad.

*EDIT*

OH, and while I'm at it. This sort of shit slightly falls under the category of "Shit that should have been on the goddamn disc in the first place, and not as "day one download content.""

but that's a seperate rant.

Half-Minute Hero: First Impressions

So yeah, it's been a while since I've blogged. Now I'm gonna start again. Woo woo.

So I picked up the game Half-Minute Hero today. If you haven't heard of it, here's a description: Play through the story of an RPG in 30 seconds. It is in fact as ridiculous as it sounds, yet at the same time not. Everything in the game is streamlined so you at NO point stop moving. Combat is entered seamlessly and is controlled automatically. You run around the overworld visiting one-screen towns where the clock does not stop. You buy items, purchase better weapons, all with that 30 second timer getting ever smaller. You grind against field monsters until you are feeling strong enough to defeat the boss in his castle. The timer doesn't stop until the very last hit is delivered to the Evil Lord's face.

So, there you have it. It's not as simple as it sounds, if indeed that paragraph sounded simple.

Your first quest is a tutorial mission. You have no timer until you complete the kings first request to destroy a few field monsters. Then Evil Lord appears and casts a spell that will destroy the world in 30 seconds! You are free to try and kill him, but odds are you won't. I certainly didn't.
Just when I was eager to hit retry, a maiden appears offering me a deal. The Goddess of Time will make a pact with me, offering services for money. She can increase your timer, make you gain experience faster, and will also stop time while you are in a village, completely contradicting what I just told you. Whatever, this is a first look.

The charm of this game is in it's absolute old-school RPG immersion. The graphics, the battle text, the opening screen's mode7 pan over the landscape reminiscent of Final Fantasy, or any square game for that matter. It mixes old and new quite splendidly, every screen being an absolute treat to look at with bright and sharp pixels jumping off the screen.

Combat consists of your Hero sprite colliding with a Monster sprite, damage values flying off each others bodies until someone ends up more dead than the other.


My replenished hero was able to grind out a few more levels, and after I hit level 5 a very helpful message popped up, stating "You > Evil."

I took this as a sign to let me know I was ready to wave my sword at Evil Lord's face. Indeed, the prophetic message came true. I struck the spell caster and the timer disappeared. In typical fashion, he left me with a cryptic statement that more wizards all over the world were going to be casting this spell!

The king granted me a caravan to travel the world to stop these other bad men. Some fellow also gave me a pair of dirty clothes which presumably protected me slightly better than my armor. Otherwise I probably would not have graciously accepted such a strange gift. At any rate, with the mission complete I am treated to the credits, as well as my rank: Wonderful Hero. Clear time 50 seconds.

I now have a group of people to assist me on my way, providing information on weapons, landscape, and the results of my past battles.



This Hero 30 mode isn't all there is to the game though. Rather, it's just one of four. There's Princess 30, Evil Lord 30, and uh... I'm not sure what the final one is, as it appears as ??? to me.

Princess 30 plays like a side-scrolling shooter with the Princess being your "ship."

Evil Lord 30 plays like a strategy game where you are the Evil Lord who summons 3 different types of units to counteract the King's troops. There are also creatures in the world which you can recruit by walking over.

That about explains all my experience with the game so far, but it's extremely stylized, and frantic enough to not become a grind on patience.

Upon selecting mission 2 of Hero 30, it appears you can customize your equipment before setting out, probably to prepare for different monster types and abuse weaknesses, I imagine.

The music in this game is also a very modern yet familiar affair.

In mission 2, the evil lord had broken a bridge necessary to reach him. I had to retrieve a hammer from some monsters in a cave so a carpenter could rebuild it, allowing me access to the evil lord. Goddess of Time has allowed me to purchase time back, at an increasing cost for each use.

I stopped by a town on the other side of the bridge before tackling the evil lord, and gained a new sword and shield on sale. It would seem to be wise to purchase any available weapons before pursuing your ultimate goal. Who knows what sort of special items you may acquire if you search well enough.

looking at these mission screens, it appears there are also "titles" to be won for achieving certain qualifications. In mission two I bought seaweed kelp from the store to replenish my HP, and at the post-mission stats, I was awarded the title. I'm unsure if these have any effect on the gameplay, but it seems fun to try and figure out the riddle behind each one.

Apparently death carries a subtle, yet heavy penalty. You have infinite lives, but each death will locate you back at the beginning of the continent with very little health. coming back from a death is an expensive and time-wasting endeavor, to resources which are worth more than anything.

I think that'll just about do it for this quick look. Clearly this game has a lot of charm. Three extra modes which I've yet to try, ad-hoc multiplayer battles, and a proposed eight hours of gameplay, 30 seconds at a time. This was easily worth the $30 price tag.

Fallout Journal: Entry #4

3 Jan, 2152: I had decided to go south of my Vault, as most of the remains of civilized world was in that direction, according to the evidence I've gathered.

In short time, I stumbled upon an outpost of the Brotherhood of Steel in the middle of nowhere.
Now, the Brotherhood of Steel is a bunch of people who think they are better than everyone else, and call themselves paladins and do-gooders, and such. They also have amazing technology which is why anyone ever actually wants to become part of their troupe. I cannot say that my desires flow to the contrary.

I approached the guardsmen out front, and bluntly asked if I could join the BoS. I was also buntly told no. However, there was a catch. Apparently if I were to go to some landmark called "The Glow" and bring back a piece of technology from there, I'd gain instant acceptance.

Certainly this task would not be at all difficult, and would go exactly the way I want, right?


8 Jan, 2151: I had obtained direction to The Glow, and was told there were several towns in between the BoS outpost and The Glow. I figured it'd be worth seeing if there was any intelligent life left on the planet. Any oasis of humanity that might reprieve me from my terrible fate.

I first arrived at a town called Junktown. Of course it would have to be called Junktown, right?
Not Goodtown, not Educatedtown, not Candytown or Kittentown. No, not one of those. It's gotta be Junktown.

I spotted the only worthwhile place visiting, which was the market. It was much less of a market and more of a convenience store run by the mayor and chief of police of Junktown, Killian Darkwater.

Again, with no provocation, he began to lay down all the major problems he had in life at me, and wanted me to fix them. All I ask is for a few stimpacks, and I get emotional baggage. Is this really a side effect of the radiation on humans?

Turns out that in Junktown there's a bad bad man who runs a gambling parlor called Gizmo's, and it was run by Gizmo. Creative man, that one.

It seems Killian wanted me to get a verbal confession out of Gizmo about the attempts at Killian's life. Such a lively town, Junktown.

Having nothing better to do, and seeing possible reward, I accepted this request. I figure myself craftier than all others on this planet, so why not?

I made it to Gizmo's, which was but a mere 40 feet from Killian's store. You'd think that two men tryin'a off eachother would be just a tad farther apart, but I digress.

I made it inside Gizmo's palace, which is an overstatement, I found my way straight to his desk with no opposition. I guess the big bad mafia man is so cocksure about his safety he will let any man with a set of cojones walk right in. How fortunate for me.

Gizmo was an absurd piglike man. It seemed he was too large to even have the ability to remove himself from his desk.

I opened our conversation with a question: "So, about these hitmen you've been sending to kill Killian."

The conversation ended with me being contracted to kill Killian.
Of course, I wasn't going to kill him. It was all just so I could record Gizmo with this handy device that Killian taped to my stomach. I mean, I COULD kill him. It's definitely an option. I don't think I'd feel too bad about it, really.


4 Jan, 2152: Turns out I've got a heart of gold. I mean, according to my standards if you are that stupid and still alive, it's an incredible act of mercy on my part.

At any rate, I gave Killian the confession he wanted, and earned myself a nice christmas bonus, though I doubt anyone even celebrates the holiday up here. It was a suit of leather armor, that was actually in decent condition.

Turns out Killian had one more favor to ask of me though. He wanted me to kill Gizmo. Rather, he asked me to assist on the raid on Gizmo's gambling house, but I could tell I'd be the only one assaulting it.

I accepted this, because it would be a simple matter of killing a man who could not stand up to save his life, and shortly that statement would be quite literal.


5 Jan, 2152: I decided to rest last night in preparation for the murder of a man. If you'd have asked me when I was still living in the vault if I had what it took to take a life, I'd have answered no, but less than a month outside has made my moral fiber transgress into more of a murder quilt.

At any rate, I stayed at the local pub for the night. Before I hit the old dusty road for the night, there was one incident that fate had to push onto me. As I entered the bar, I saw a man harassing a waitress for sex. She declined, and he hit her. Just as I was about to issue some chivalrous justice, the bartender took out his shotgun and the thugs torso was blown into pieces, most of them hitting my front.

How... distinguished of you, world. Such high class could only be expected of a place named Junktown.

Fallout Journal: Entry # 3

19 Dec, 2151: Despite taking three days, the time just flew by. At the time of our arrival at vault 15, I had no regrets about taking Ian with me. Despite being only a tad slow in the head, he was fantastic company. I learned a lot about the current state of the world. Not that there's much news from far away, as everyone is pretty much fending for themselves.

At any rate, I would soon come to find out just how bad my luck actually is, and that I keep making stupid decisions on a very consistent basis.

I led Ian to the elevator shaft, and we proceeded to tie down one end of the rope to the computer terminal nearby. We made our way down to the second floor.

Before I continue: Why are there so many rats in the world?

More importantly, how did they all find their way down a broken elevator shaft, and find enough food to survive for god knows how long, and then grow about 10 times their normal size?

I digress. So, we both made it to the second floor only to be ambushed by horrible mutant rats. They still gave me hardly any trouble at all. No, the real danger was actually Ian. I rushed out to the hallway, guns blazing. I had killed about 4 of the gigantic beasts when a bullet tore through my shoulder. I turn around in a hurry to see Ian shrug me an apology, and continue firing his gun. He clearly had no wasteland experience, and had lied about his training. He didn't know how to use that thing, and as a result managed to shoot me. Son of a bitch.

Why me? Why is it that fate has called upon me for such a noble quest, yet hands me such bad cards?

I yelled at Ian to put down the weapon and climb back up the rope and wait for me. I injected a stimpack directly into the wound. Stimpacks are an amazing substance, let me tell you. It worked so fast that I didn't even feel the needle going in. It was instant bliss.

I kept firing bullets into rats until there were no more moving targets. I then climbed up the rope and told Ian to get the hell out of my sight. After firing Ian, I proceeded to investigate the second floor of the vault. I checked bedrooms, bathroom, closest, everywhere. No water chip. Instead, I found another elevator shaft. A wave of dread and disgust hit me once again. I needed more rope.


25 Dec, 2151: I will not write about my re-return to Shady Sands and back. I refuse. It didn't happen, as far as I'm concerned.

Merry Christmas, me. I have obtained more rope, and am about to descend to the third floor of the vault. I guess you could also call it the first floor, considering it's the lowest floor, but that's unimportant.

25, Dec, 2151: There's no waterchip here. Why would there be? I apparently haven't suffered enough for there this to be the end of my quest. All that awaited me on this third floor was broken computers, caved in sections, and rats.

1 Jan, 2152: I returned today to vault 13 to report everything that had happened up to this point to the Overseer. He was very unhappy to learn I had found nothing despite taking so long.

Worse for me is that I now have no clues as to the whereabouts for the chip. The best I can hope for is to wander the wastes and hope I randomly find towns or facilities that might have it.

I have prepared best I can for the journey. I snuck into the storerooms and stole all the supplies I could get my hands on. Stimpacks, bottled water, ammunition. I deserved it, right, being the saviour of the people and all?

In retrospect, it might not have been a good idea to steal the water.. Well, if I fail, they're going to die anyway, right? It's just going to be a little sooner rather than later, now.

I don't feel too bad about it all of a sudden.

Fallout Journal: Entry #2

13 Dec, 2151: I arrived at my destination, the doorstep of Vault 15. When I got to the location my pipboy had marked as Vault 15, there was only a rundown house. Before giving up out of despair, I decided to take a look inside the house. Maybe there was a bed I could cry in for a few hours. Instead, I found a manhole. A shame, too, because I was looking forward to napping for a few weeks.

At any rate, I climbed down the ladder and looked at my surroundings. Upon doing so, I learned one of Vault-Tec's creeds: always build vaults in the middle of rat infested caves.

After another massacre involving my knife and tiny helpless creatures, I found the entrance to vault 15. The door had fallen off and was just lying on the ground being all manner of useless. I took it as a sign of what the rest of my spelunking adventure in this vault would be like. I should gamble more because apparently I have good instincts.

I entered the vault, and noticed it looked identical to my own, except for small things like ugly brown rust covering everything, and none of the computers worked.

Everywhere I turned, there was another non-functioning terminal. I tried my best to boot one up, but I was unable to learn anything. Eventually, I found my goal, but hit another roadblock. The elevator was, of course, not functioning. I would need a length of rope if I were to progress any further. Cursing my luck, I turned around and head out the front door and back up the ladder. My next destination was, naturally, Shady Sands. The one time I vow never to go back to a city, and it becomes a god damn necessity.

14 Dec, 2151: This trip takes so long. There's nothing to pass the time. Nobody to talk to, no scenery to look at. Perhaps this trip to Shady Sands isn't so bad. As bad of an idea as this is, I might ask Ian to join me. Having someone to talk to is sure to be much better than slowly going insane in this desert, right?

16 Dec, 2151: I made it back to Shady Sands. I'd say I spent my time there quite well, I should say. Upon my arrival, I spoke to the guardsmen at the gate. I asked where to find some rope, and was informed that they had some, and were willing to barter for it. I'm going to call it right now: That's the only time in my life I'm going to have something so easy to find. I traded a single flare for the rope. I'm unsure how exactly one estimates the value of these objects, but one mans trash etc etc.

Having secured my first objective rather quickly, I had time to burn before I needed to head back. I managed to locate Ian and reluctantly asked him to join my quest. Having been out of commission for a while due to his injury, he gladly accepted. Waiving the voice in the back of my head telling me I was a fool, I welcomed Ian.

I informed him of everything I had discovered to this point, on top of my need of the water chip. I'm unsure if he actually believed my story as he had given me looks of doubt when I mentioned my vault. It didn't matter to me though. As long as I didn't end up shooting myself from boredom, I was content.

On my way out of Shady Sands, I saw a man looking quite puzzled at the poor excuse for crops this town had. Because I'm an idiot, I initiated conversation with him. As it turns out, this man was the one responsible for the raising of the towns food supply, and he knew nothing agriculture. Being the generous, caring, wonderful person I am, I gave him a few pointers about how to actually produce some yield from this land.

Feeling confident that I may have just saved this town from inevitable annihilation, I departed for vault 15 a second time. I had my companion, I had my rope, and I *MAY* have learned just a bit of compassion for the unfortunate leftovers of the once great human race.

Fallout Journal: Entry #1

5 Dec, 2151: It's been said that a man knows not when destiny will call upon him to fulfill his purpose. Well, here's mine. I awoke this morning and was immediately summoned to the Overseer's room, where I learned what was going to become of me. Apparently the water chip in our vault broke, and I'm the ONLY one qualified to traverse the outside world to search for and retrieve a new one. Fantastic, this is wonderful. It's not like I wanted to grow up anyway.

It really sounds like they are just finding a reason to kick me out, but whatever. I guess I don't really mind, because I don't like any of these people. They are always so short with me, never more than the time of the day. I'm glad I don't have to see the Overseer's ugly beard every day.

At any rate, I was given a few stimpacks, some weapons for protection (Thanks for not teaching how to use them, guys!) and directions on the most likely place to find the water chip, which is Vault 15. It's only a few days walk. I guess our vault doesn't have any motor vehicles.


5 Dec 2151: THAT WAS JUST HORRIBLE. After receiving my orders from the Overseer, I went to my room to prepare. After that, I walked up to the vault door and was ushered outside. As the vault door closed I took a look around. I was in a cave. A cave filled with mice. To my left was the corpse of a man. Just sitting there, like a grim welcome mat. I suppose to any outsiders it would be more like an unwelcome mat, but I digress.

I took my first steps out of the vault, and guess what happened. The rats become quite hostile to my presence, and attacked me. I was taken aback. These little rodents, no more than 4 inches tall were acclimating to my presence with teeth at the ready. Thus marked the beginning of the Vault 13 rodent massacre of 2151.

Knife in hand, I began to hack away at the nigh-helpless creatures. I received a few bites around my ankles, but nothing a Bandaid couldn't fix. Leaving a trail carcass behind me, I worked ever closer to the source of light in this cavern. I was excited to see sunlight for the first time in my life.

8 Dec, 2151: Boy this solitude is fantastic. I can do anything I want out here. I can walk, I can walk quickly, and I can even run! I thought it would be more glamorous, even for a place called "The Wastes."

If not for my pipboy telling me which way to go, I'd be completely lost. There are hardly any landmarks out here. Anything worth viewing has already been looted for it's worth or destroyed.

I can see what looks like a settlement on the horizon, however. This will be the first (human?) contact outside of my vault, so it's making me a little nervous. Hopefully my friendly smile will be enough to charm the local populace. I don't know much about the world, but then again, not many people do anymore.

10 Dec, 2151: This town is full of idiots. I walked in with the full intent to show my respect for their people and way of life, and didn't get so much as a glance. It was as if I was invisible. I walked into the first house I saw. I didn't even bother knocking, since nobody seemed to care.

I approached a man in a leather jacket. I introduced myself, and learned the man was named Ian. He then began to tell me he'd been hurt, and was nursed back to health here. I literally thought I would die from boredom listening to this man tell me this useless information. I immediately left the house, vowing never to return.

Giving this town one more chance, I invaded another household. This time, I approached a child, just in case the adult population was too radiated to carry on any sort of intelligent conversation. The apparently unnamed child told me it was not okay to talk to people while holding a weapon in my hands. I had completely forgotten it was in my hand ever since the ratbattle outside of my vault. I quickly stowed my weapon in my pack, and tried to open a dialogue with the child again. You'll never guess what he said this time. "Hi!"
Just "Hi."

He proceeded to run out of the house, hands in the hair, chasing the other kids around town.
I made a promise to myself that day to never return to this town unless absolutely necessary. If possible, I would like to remove it from the remains of the face of the earth. Shady Sands, I bid you farewell, except for the part where I don't want you to fare well at all. I want the exact opposite of your well fare.

My destination is now set to Vault 15, where my horrible journey just might find a swift end. I wonder if the people there are as annoying as everyone else I've met on this scorched earth.

Number one.

This is just a practice article to kick off the blog. I don't have many great ideas for articles yet, but I suppose I should start with myself. This blog is not going to be about me, what movies I've seen, which of my friends are totally being too flirty with the popular kids, or all those negative connotations I have about what a blog "is."

Except this one.
I've been into video games for as long as I can remember. On second thought, that's actually a lie. I think I still retain a single memory before video games, something about wanting a cup of juice. It's all too foggy, but I digress.

My father would be the one I'd have to thank for my video game obsession. I hold no reservations on calling it an obsession, because I am in fact addicted. I shall seek no aid to cure this, however.

He's always been the type of person to have the latest technology, which means we had Nintendo. From the time I erased my fathers endgame save in Legend of Zelda before he was able to beat it, to the time I apparently experienced seizures due to the delicious flashing lights of a movie-based game by the name of Jaws, video games have had a close relationship with me. As I grew up, so did games, and my father was right there buying the new systems. Come to think of it, I have to wonder how much of his money he invested in something he hardly touched and left to me to enjoy. 3DO, Dreamcast, SNES, Gameboy, XBOX, etc etc. Despite having this technology, he hardly ever touched it. It's still something that sort of bugs me to this day. Was he buying these things for his sake, or for mine? The answer seems clear but I don't want to imagine such a selfless father that would sacrifice thousands of dollars for little 'ol me. That's just too righteous of a person and I have no way of paying my gratitude.

At any rate, however, because of this I was able to experience lots of new and beautiful and awesome things. As the years wore on, new games would come out that I'd have to wait forever to play because I had no source of income, television channels dedicated to this hobby would appear, and it would no longer be associated with the word "nerd" or "geek."

Glorious, I say, despite how many Halo jocks there are now, but I digress.

Did I mention I love digressing? I do. I cannot explain why, but it's an easy way to get out of a mess. In fact, I just thought of a neat slogan: "In a mess? Just digress."

Do not worry, I punished myself for saying something so silly.

I got into the Let's Play business because I discovered Deceased Crab's La Mulana videos. I was quite stricken by how fun it was to watch these videos and play alongside somebody who suffers like us John Everyman. Thank goodness for his videos, too, because if I were to play that game and not have a video guide, I would have lost my mind and ragequit the best indie game I've ever played. I digress.

So I looked for recording software, bought myself a cheapo microphone from Target, which to this day I still use, and found some weird moon-language game to play featuring a bunny-suit clad female in a metroidvania style game.

This has brought me a few unexpected things. 1. A fun hobby that I have enjoyed doing for more than a week, and 2. friends. There's an amazing group of people whom I talk with regularly who've all found me one way or another, be it on Steam, Xbox Live, or the livestream channel. I don't think I can find the right words to say how appreciative I am of their company and support. I've had some amazing multiplayer experiences, a few deep hardy laughs, and good life advice like starting a web log in order to gain a portfolio of writing work in order to spur my career as a video game journalist.

I think that wraps things up. From now on it's going to be about the actual video games and my impressions of them and the industry.

Oh, and here's links to the important parts:
Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/user/hateworkboy
Livestream: http://www.livestream.com/HWBs_vidya_corner

a review which contains the download link of Bunny Must Die, A.K.A. Chelsea and the 7 Devils: http://indygamer.blogspot.com/2006/11/bunny-must-die.html